His children

These last couple of weeks I've really been wrestling with an important decision regarding my children's health. I'm purposely not going to go into detail, so bear with me.

First of all, our health care system has "recommendations" for our children's health that are based on experts, scientific research, a history of past illnesses, cost and many other factors. For the most part, these recommendations are genuinely safe and are in the best interest of our children. Although, there have been instances where complications have arisen from a seemingly safe and popular practice. Enter in confusion.

Secondly, I believe God placed in me a desire to question and be a thinker. I do not automatically believe that doctors know everything that is best for my children's health. I respect that they certainly have loads more education in the field and more experience, but I'm their mom. Enter in doubt.

Which leads to the dilemma I've been struggling with lately. For weeks, I've been tossing the idea of whether or not to do this procedure and the comment I made to Jim yesterday was this, "Either decision scares me. There is no right answer. It is the 'lesser of the two evils'. I feel totally helpless with whatever decision is made."

So today, when I left the Doctor's office with Nathan, I was overwhelmed with confusion and doubt and prayed, "Dear God, Please protect my child."

And it hit me. Oops, I must correct my prayer.

"Dear God, Please protect your child."

And it hit me again. How silly did that sound? I was pleading with the creator of the universe and everything in it, the One who loves his children more than I could ever fathom, to protect his own child. It really started sounding silly then. Almost like if I went up to one of my mommy-friends and pleaded with them to protect their child. Well, of course they would. They would give their life for that child, and here I am fearful that God will not protect his own.

A peace came over me. I was reminded that my children are not my own. I have been given the awesome responsibility to raise them, but ultimately they are His. And what makes me feel even better is that no matter how hard I try to make "all the right decisions," God's loving hand is still protecting these precious beings in spite of my inevitable mistakes I try so hard to avoid.

I still don't feel good about my decision, but the alternative would have made me feel worse. Thankfully, His children are ultimately in His care.

All the time. Always.