Why me and song lyrics never really got along

Tonight, something happened that Jim thought was totally blog-worthy, so here goes.
May God have mercy on my naive, innocent and totally uncool soul.  I'm done, toast, lost forever in the universe of grasping for any shreds of coolness that might be left.


Upon reading this, many of my close friends will most likely roll their eyes because this behavior of mine has been around forever, but to others, it will be frighten-ly eye-opening.

While Jim was flipping through the channels tonight (he switches the channels so fast the lights from the TV flicker like a strobe light), he stopped on VH1 and the Snoop Dogg song "Drop it like it's hot" was playing.  I listened for a while, thought back to when that song first came out and very innocently asked, "What does 'Drop it like it's hot' mean?"

Jim very calmly said, "I don't know, what do you think it means?"

Well, I naively believed him and innocently started offering my suggestions for the phrase's meaning.  I offered everything from "suggestive" to practical definitions, which were all met with crazy wake-the-baby laughter.

After much prodding, he still didn't give me a good explanation to the phrase's meaning, probably because he was enjoying the many WASP-y options I was coming up with, so I got out the trusty Google search page and looked it up myself.

How uncool am I for having to look up the meaning to a rap song?

How uncool am I for reading the lyrics out loud in my white-girl-pronouncing-the-slang-just-perfectly voice?

Well, after browsing the Yahoo answers and Urban dictionary websites, I came to a conclusion I felt comfortable with and now I officially feel like a complete nincompoop for getting my kids to sing "Drop it like it's hot."

So am I the only goober out there that didn't know what that meant?

That wasn't enough for me.  Somehow the song, "I'm down with OPP" showed up on these websites I was browsing through looking for answers to dropping whatever like it's hot, even though I never understood why someone would want to hold something when it was super hot anyway.  And I chuckled at the definition of OPP.

I swear I wouldn't have believed Jim knew the definition unless he didn't blurt out the answer or even glanced at the website, but he did know it.

"How did you know that?", enter in more laughter.  I just didn't understand what was so funny or how he would know what OPP stood for.  So I kept browsing and started listening to the music video.

I swear, lawdy lawdy, people out there are nuts (enter in what I'll sound like as an 80-year-old).  Why in the world would that be okay?  Don't know what OPP means?  Look it up.  I'll not be responsible for spreading that filth.

What is so frightening (or hilarious if you're my husband or one of my friends that truly knows me) is that I would sing the chorus AT THE TOP OF MY LUNGS back in high school.  Why?  Because that was the only part of the song I understood and could sing.  But what a complete dingaling I must have looked like for singing that I was down with OPP.  I swear.

I'm sorry, it never dawned on me that #1 that philosophy would be okay for other people out there, and #2 they would write a song about it and #3 I might be singing the words to a chorus that has a completely different meaning that has ever come within 50 feet of my subconscience.

So on top of Jim laughing hysterically that I didn't know the meaning to "Drop it like it's hot", nor did I know what OPP stood for, I then became very determined to figure out how Jim knew what OPP stood for so I listened INTENTLY to the video and I'll be fushizzled that the definition is spelled out right there in the song.  It took MUCH concentration and I still didn't hear but about every other word but I heard it.

Jim's hysterical laughter then reminded me back in the day, singing at the top of my lungs, "I'm down with OPP, Yeah you know me!"  Singing loud and proud girlfriend, because it was the only part of the song that I knew the words to, so that meant I had to sing them even louder.  'Cause I was singing my heart out, doing a little Jersey Shore fist-pumping for emphasis, looking cool of course.  And every single person who saw me either thought that I was "down" because I was into that type of lifesyle or they knew the REAL Kel that was so bloody naive she had no idea what the words meant, she was just glad she knew some of the words.

No wonder I would sing the song by Patty Loveless wrong.  It's "What part of No don't you understand?" and I would sing, "What part of Love don't you understand?"  Loud.  At the top of my lungs.  Like I was Patty Loveless myself, on my world tour, riding in the front seat of my cousin's truck with the windows rolled down, wind blowing through my hair.  Until my cousin would crinkle her eyebrows, turn the radio down, look at me confused and ask, "What are you singing?"


Kind of like when I was a huge Whitney Houston fan.  I would pop that cassette tape in my player, put my permed hair in a scrunchy, grab a microphone prop and sing at the top of my lungs, "In a shopping mall, love will do.  Hoo hoo."  And then would find out years later that the real words were, "Ain't it shocking what love can do. Hoo hoo."

It's bad, I know.

It's really bad.

I'm starting to see iceberg-size chunks of "cool" being ripped away from my outer shell and I can't do a flaming thing about it.  I have no chance at recovering.  My only hope is saving the shredded pieces that are still left.

There's no telling what I've taught my kids to sing all the while not having a CLUE that it might have a crypted meaning.

So here's your fair warning: Steer clear of me when a good song comes on the radio and I start singing.  There's a good chance I've unbeknownst created new lyrics.  But do me a favor, find creative ways to teach me the correct lyrics without totally ripping the rug out from underneath my fragile lyrically-challenged existence.